our little miracle

miracle: an extraordinary event manifesting divine intervention in human affairs

I tend to be leery of using the word "miracle" because sometimes I think that it is over- and mis-used. I am using it here because I truly believe that the Lord intervened in this part of our story.

Even though I do believe it, as I type this I find myself getting panicky and wanting to change the subject because what if I sound crazy???

But really, I just want to glorify Him in all things and if that takes me sounding a little crazy then bring it on. ;)

I want to tell of the good things He has done.

So.

YAY FOR BABIES!!

Yep, I'm growing another one (yes, just one) and come March Silas will be a big brother.

:)

I found out I was pregnant while we were at the beach. Best.vacation.ever. :)

I saw the doctor when we got home and everything seemed fine, though not much was done except a physical exam and pee stick test.

We scheduled an ultrasound for the next week which should have put me at 6 weeks.

You can't really see much because I had to take a picture of it with my camera, but all that is there is a gestational sac. No yolk sac, and no baby. It's the little black oval to the left center. The ultrasound tech at my doctor is great (and a Christian) and she remained very calm and said that I was measuring 4 weeks instead of 6. I immediately started panicking inside because I KNEW that I couldn't only be 4 weeks - that would mean that on the day I got a positive pregnancy test that I really would have been getting pregnant. Make sense? I just knew that it wasn't right and was terrified that I was going to miscarry.

We talked to a midwife (the same one who delivered Silas) and though she didn't say that we should be worried, she also wasn't super encouraging either and just said that we should come back in 2 weeks for another ultrasound if nothing happened before then.

I left bawling. Thankfully Justin was able to be with me and he (as always) was very supportive.

We decided to only tell the Mays and Cardozas so that they could pray with us.

It was a very hard couple of days as I fought to be hopeful and not worry about something that I couldn't control.

2 weeks was going to seem like forever.

The ultrasound was on a Tuesday and by Thursday the Lord had calmed me enough to think a little more clearly.

I had told Justin (and a handful of other people) from the beginning that I felt like the Lord's hand was on this pregnancy. I'm probably about to sound crazy, but I just really didn't think that I should have gotten pregnant for several reasons - most having to do with timing and busy-ness. I took a trip to Nashville to visit some friends shortly after I got pregnant but well before I could actually know I was, and one of those precious friends knew that we were trying to get pregnant and before I left we stood in his driveway and he put his hand on my tummy and prayed over my womb.

He prayed over my womb.

It was one of the sweetest things I have ever experienced. When Jeff prays, he EXPECTS things to happen. And he said that he knew I was pregnant and would be calling him in a few weeks to tell him the good news. From that point on I started to think that I really WAS pregnant - even though I knew logistically that the chances were pretty slim.

Sure enough, 2 weeks later I got a little pink plus sign. :)

So.

After a couple of days of really being afraid and jumping at every little ligament stretch and new feeling, I decided that being scared and worrying wasn't doing me a bit of good and that I was just going to pray. REALLY PRAY. I had been praying, of course, but I was going to stop praying with fear and just straight up pray with expectation. I decided that I was going to completely trust God to fix this and to make it right and believe wholeheartedly not just that he could but that he WOULD. It is hard for me to pray like that because then what do I do if He disappoints me? I feel like I need to make excuses for Him when things don't turn out the way that I (or a someone else) wants them too. Anyway - so that's what I did. When I started to doubt I prayed for grace to believe.

And His peace that passes all understanding was abundant.

And the 2 weeks really didn't seem to pass that slowly.:)

{side note: prayer is something that i have always struggled with. i know what the bible says about it - that the Lord hears the prayers of a righteous man and that He is faithful. i just sometimes can't make it all make sense in my head. how does prayer really work? and if he already has his plan and is working it out, why do we need to pray? this is something i am constantly working on and i just wanted to make that clear so no one gets any impression of me other than a fallen sinner saved by grace alone that sooooooo doesn't get it most of the time.}

We went back to doctor yesterday for another ultrasound and this is the picture:

Even with a completely untrained eye you can see that the gestational sac is quadruple the size that it was and there is a little baby in there (though it looks more like a bean).

Not only can we see the baby, but we saw and heard a tiny little heart beating at 164 beats per minute.

Glory to God!

This was HIS doing.

I believe it with everything in me.

I am now measuring at 7 weeks (from 4 to 7 weeks in just 2 actual weeks???) but I am convinced that I am actually at 8 weeks like we thought from the beginning. Either way, there's a baby in there!

As I was praying in the 2 week waiting time, I said that I couldn't wait to tell the story of how He has his hand on my womb and this baby.

Thank you Lord for answering prayers and teaching me lessons. I don't know why you chose to answer in this way, but I am forever grateful.

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

Psalm 139:13-16